


Bonum Lake

by orphan_account



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 02:20:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17972603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It was odd having Seungwan here. She couldn’t tell if the calmness she felt was due to the caress of familiarity, or the other woman’s reassurance. It was something immoral, for her to join her here. But, an inner journey to conquer her demons proved unfruitful. The lake remained calm.or, Joohyun’s annual trip to Gyeongju isn’t as relaxing as self reflection used to be for her.





	Bonum Lake

**Author's Note:**

> trying something experimental...
> 
> so mayhaps I haven’t beta’d this hmmmm :>>>
> 
> it’s late so i’ll do it tomorrow ok

I found one of your notes.

Of course it’d be Seungwan that would find her here, Joohyun had predicted that after her first thought of leaving.

There’s was always something, or someone you couldn’t escape. And for Joohyun, that was Seungwan.

Her voice always had that crystal edge to it, one that forced her to look into herself before speaking so she didn’t hurt her. Here Joohyun was, running away from being ‘Irene’, but she couldn’t help herself.

She still felt pity for Seungwan. She still felt the need to muffle any of her harsh truths with niceties, and speak only sweet things.

This place is beautiful.

Seungwan hadn’t seen it before, so it wasn’t a wonder why she’d said that. For Joohyun, the lake was unusual in its beauty. Beyond aesthetics, it transcended something that could be recognised by the eye.

Joohyun felt at peace here. It was a sanctuary that she liked to believe was home. She scrunched her sweatpants up and dipped her legs into the water.

The energy from the plunging of her limbs entrance eventually dissipated, spreading outwards, accepting her presence. A hand touched her thigh, and she shook slightly in fright.

As long as you leave a shadow, I’m going to find you.

Joohyun leaned forwards, resting her elbows in acute angles against her knees and held her head to stare straight. Long and out, her wonder consumed by the single line between the coming dusk and the water.

She pointedly ignored that hand which burned on her, at least outwardly. Something she’d never thought she’d have to do here. A cherry blossom caught onto a wind’s dance.

There was no thought of ever moving when Joohyun stayed here, stuck in time, her toes skiting at dirt as she waddled her feet like a youth.

She still was a youth. The wind danced and caught more blossoms, it was like every other birthday at Lake Bomun. A stream of air brushed past her ear, and it made her shiver like Seungwan had before. And, noticeably, the feeling stayed.

Why can you share your birthday with me, Joohyun.

It was odd having Seungwan here. She couldn’t tell if the calmness she felt was due to the caress of familiarity, or the other woman’s reassurance. It was something immoral, for her to join her here. But, an inner journey conquer her demons proved unfruitful. The lake remained calm.

“This is just how I’ve always done things. I can’t change how things have always been and beckon to remain.”

Where was Irene. Joohyun needed Irene.

She looked down into the lake and found that girl who’d be able to twist a lie and make it something sweet. She was trapped in the water, but not drowning. Just staring back, remaining still.

Staring back. Tranquil and at rest.

It reminded her, that this was a time for Joohyun’s rest too.

I don’t know why you hide how you feel from me. The whisper was somewhere near her hair, lips parted midnight strands as she spoke. The wind tousled it more ardently.

Joohyun was never strong enough to face Seungwan on her own - it was no wonder why she was chased down here, to find the vulnerability that can’t be found on the stage. Seungwan must have read many notes to realise that she didn’t only perform for work.

The hand at her thigh tightened harder, and Joohyun felt her heart clench in response. The horizon began splitting the sun into a thousand colours.

Even though she came here to escape, for her own mind, it only became clear that there was something beyond schedules cluttering her mind. Even in a peaceful place like this, with only room for self reflection, her thoughts were stuck on her.

“I just wanted to care about you Seungwan, I don’t know why you feel that I need taking care of as well.”

I’m your unnie, Joohyun sees the her lips in the lake mouth. It was a reassurance she did want to say, but couldn’t. What stopped her from doing so wasn’t beyond her.

How was it Seungwan who’d made her want to melt her plasticity away? The blossoms dropped from the air in a flurry, scattering onto the lake like cushioned rainfall.

Her weakness was a blockade to deception in times like these. There will always be the immutable desire of the frozen heart of needed to be thawed. Irene would hope her heart would shatter before someone like Seungwan could make it her own business.

I love you.

There was a ghost on her cheek, Joohyun had closed her eyes.

At the time she’d opened them up, it was night. She’d missed the rest of sun’s collapse into colour because she was stuck staring at herself.

She looked at herself in the lake. Something broken with eyes tears. A wet thing crawled down the perfect curvature of her cheek, and rounded her jawline, dipping low unto her pinnacle of chin.

A single droplet fell onto her pants.

Irene watched, hazy eyed, as she confirmed there was never a hand there. A breeze made her shiver, something tingled, and she felt her body overcompensate with warmth.

With tears streaming now, she tore her face with her hands, smothering the tears and willing them to return. Unknowing what to do, she shoved her hand into her right pocket where her phone protruded, and called.

“Hello?” She didn’t know why she called. The voice had immediately sunken regret deep within her. Irene could barely keep the phone to her ear, let alone answer it. Seungwan’s voice was punishing, and made her hiccup as another round of tears gushed.

“Hey! Don’t cry, what’s wrong? Where are you?”

Was this the first time Seungwan had ever witnessed her cry? Joohyun crumpled into herself, feeling a crushing presence of fear settle inside her gut. She’d finally done it and changed it all.

She couldn’t decide whether she was stu-

“Joohyun, where are you?”

“In Gyeongju. There’s a lake, Bonum lake. It-“ Joohyun coughed, then breathed heavily, “It reminded me of being strong, and of being lonely. Seungwan, I’m alone here. When I think of happiness in my past, why do I feel alone now?”

The question was empty, both parties knew. The sky was like this too. There were no stars tonight, only a fleeting aeroplane. Joohyun had never stayed past the sunset so her members wouldn’t be startled by her disappearance.

“Seungwan I care about you, and I want you to feel safe in talking to me but how can I give you guidance if I’ve already lost my own. I’m so afraid of become this person, who is lost in the mist, because I want more than anything for you to find the light.” Joohyun heard the heavy breathes from the other side of the phone, it was a reasonable guess that she was crying with her too.

“Are you scared that I’ll find someone who can comfort me better?”

Joohyun thought about Sooyoung. Jealousy frenzied in her gut, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Seungwan hummed in the absence of her speech.

“I don’t understand, I feel like.” Her speech suddenly thinned into air. It was impossible to release all words into the wind and hoping it would turn out fine. Self doubt climbed up her throat, and clouded her mind. Seungwan spluttered, urging her on. “Like what, Joohyun?”

She couldn’t speak, there was substance, but her formulation was in error.

“What is it?”

“What do you feel?”

“What are you afraid of?”

“What have you been hiding from me?”

Joohyun’s face was drenched. She was screaming at nothing and herself at the same time. It was useless, she was so far gone. How she’d pretended to herself for so long was beyond her. It was far more obvious now, with her inability to talk, that her fear of Seungwan transcended the capabilities of friendship.

“I love you.”

A pause.

“I love you too?”

“No. No not like that.”

“I don’t understand. I love you, how is this different. I’m going to be there for you.”

“I can’t explain. I don’t want to. I just...” Joohyun clenched her eyes together. “I just wish you were here.”

Seungwan’s voice was soft and disarming. She should have seen it coming. Why, she asked. Something sweet stabbed her in the heart. Joohyun felt a destructive tidal wave of guilt corrode her insides. Joohyun was losing control, Joohyun was so exhasted. It wasn’t the slip of the tongue when she’d said it. It was a submission to destiny.

“I just want to kiss you.”

There was no moment, she was quick to respond, “Joohyun...”

She held her breath. There was an emotionally induced paralysis that veiled her body. Mystery was agonising. Although there was a freedom of it being out there, the cruelty of not knowing how the other felt post confession burned.

Joohyun compared the finality of her admission of love to the dancing blossoms. They were free to wander in the sky under the wind, but ultimately are due to rot as they were cut off from the main tree.

The clenching roots of Joohyun’s love in her heart were finally being released.

“Come home then.” The call hung up.

She wanted to throw up and smile and get up and stay dead on the grass for a long while.

===

Seungwannie 6:40 PM  
I didn’t mean to hang up but I feel awkward calling up again because it was kinda dramatic where we left things so please come back home because I want to kiss you just incase you didn’t get that alright bye drive safe I miss you bye

**Author's Note:**

> :) thanks for reading lovely.
> 
> after reading this interview about Irene, I felt like like I just had to write this. https://www.reddit.com/r/kpop/comments/4lv68c/eng_gq_korea_interview_with_red_velvets_irene/


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